It has been a very eventful weekend on the war front with my mom. She still cannot admit to do anything wrong and continues to believe that if I would just apologize to her that things would go back to the way things were. She is so angry and bitter that I am not allowing her to abuse me anymore. Not to mention she is very jealous. Jealous of my inlaws, jealous of my newborn son...yes, a 56 year old woman is jealous of a 3 month old!
I received a very nasty voice mail from my mom on Saturday afternoon.
*I have removed the copy of the voice mail from this post for various reasons.*
The voice mail was horrendous, just a pattern of things that have happened all my life. Sure there are times when things are good but watch out when they are not. She has no problem calling me every name in the book and blaming me for everything she has ever done wrong or everything that is not going right in her life.
She loved to name call when I was growing up, "wicked witch" was one of her favorites. When she was mad, she would also say to me "I love you but I don't like you". I understand that kids can do things you don't like but to tell them you don't like them is just wrong. I could never imagine telling either one of my kids that I don't like them. Children are such a precious gift from God and should be treated as such.
There were also times she would threaten to send me away to a girl's home. Now some of you might be thinking to yourself, "What did she do to deserve that treatment? She must have been a bad kid". The thing is, I wasn't a bad kid at all. Sure I wasn't perfect but I was normal. I made good grades in school, studied hard, stayed out of trouble but when I stepped into my home, the place I was supposed to be loved the most, I was treated like an outcast or some deviant.
When I was a teenager, I remember having to get up at 5am to get ready for school, so by the time I got home in the afternoon I was tired and wanted to nap. My mom would accuse me of being on drugs because I was napping. I literally could do nothing right.
I have really been fighting myself internally over whether or not I wanted to keep my parents in my children's life or not. However, after this message and after she posted on Facebook again blaming me for everything and then threatening to call CPS because Mason's bed time routine starts at 6:30pm, I really don't think it is in the best interest of my children for them to see their grandmother. I especially don't feel they should be alone with her. It is definitely something I will continue to be praying about.
Today at church we had a wonderful sermon in Pastor Kerry's No Regrets series called Lord of the Dance. After everything this weekend, one passage really stuck out to me.
"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever.
Luke 9:51 (NIV)
The reason it sticks out to me is that I have been through so much abuse at the hands of my parents and even though I am mourning the loss of what I wish my parents would have been or should be, I know that God loves me and is bringing me through this. For that, I will dance and have joy in my heart.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry to hear this. It brings tears to my eyes. I believe that you are doing your best with a very difficult decision. I can't imagine what you're going through!! I didn't listen to the voice mail as I had Eli in the room at the time, but you know, we don't get to choose our family, and sometimes they are poison. If Mason was sitting next to a big plate of rat poison you wouldn't hesitate to remove the danger from him, or him from the danger. I have a friend who goes round and round about divorcing her family. I tell her that if she can think of 5 reasons why they should stay in her life then she should keep them. Being "blood" doesn't count. I think she could only count 2. Life is short, and yes, God will turn your tears into gladness! It's too short to let others weigh you down with their negativity and bitterness. I know my opinion is not worth much, but I stand beside you in agreement with your decision. I know how fiercely you love your babies and I know you are doing what is best for them. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and bring you joy and peace in your life from here on out. :)
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