I have a few things going through my mind right now that I would like to write about. I hope that I can keep them straight!
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
The last few weeks I have been seeing this quote on Facebook and I liked it but it wasn't until today that I realized why I liked it so much. Last month when I wrote a letter to my parents, I said that I would like some space and *I* would contact them when I was ready to talk. The first two weeks I didn't hear anything from them then the third week I started getting daily text messages from my mom saying "I love you" and different variants of that.
I then went to my mobile carrier and had her cell phone and home phone blocked from contacting my phone. Then I received a voice mail from her calling from her work. She said that if someone in our family died that she wouldn't come to my house to tell me since I blocked her phone number from my phone. Falling into the consistency of trying to guilt me into talking to her.
Things were quiet for about another two weeks then today I got three voice mails from her. She wanted to know why I was doing this to her and saying that she didn't do anything wrong. She basically told me I was going to hell and asked me how I could sit in church knowing what I was doing to her. She told me how she would now be able to spend all her money on my brother's future child since I won't let her see my kids and how I am hurting my kids by doing this to her. I think the best one is that God has told her that she won't be seeing my kids for a long time... oh, and of course she "loves" me.
Yep, now I know why I like that quote so much. For the past three months my mother has consistently blamed me for the consequences of her actions, denied her actions, and tried to make me feel guilty. At some point you would think she would say to herself "hmm...this isn't working, maybe I should try a different approach."
She is right, it probably will be a long time before she sees my kids and it all falls on her shoulders. Until she accepts responsibility for her actions, owns up to her actions, and privately and publicly apologizes for her actions and the lies she has spread about me on Facebook (and I am sure to anyone she talks to), nope she won't be seeing my kids.
What is sad, yet comical, is that she keeps acting as though she is in the dark of what she has done. The truth is, I have laid it out to her in the simplest terms and yet she ignores what I told her.
Defining Love
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6
Sunday at church, Pastor Kerry started a new series called "Stolen" and about how Satan is here to steal, kill and destroy. The first sermon was on "reclaiming love" and in the sermon he talked about 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. Buried in those verses is the definition of love.
It really stuck out to me and the situation with my mother. She keeps saying she loves me, yet I don't see any of the things defined as love in her "love" for me.
As Pastor Kerry said, "Love comes alive with action and adventure." Love is not talk, it is action. She can tell me she loves me until she is blue in the face but until she actually acts with love will it ever really be love.
In the end, "love is all that lasts" (Pastor Kerry) and for me, I want my children to know how much I loved them through my actions. I pray that my actions never show anything but love for my kids. I don't want my words of love to ever be empty to them.
I will leave you with a video of Pastor Kerry's sermon from Sunday. So powerful!
